The Definition of a Playa

I love me some Jason Whitlock. I feel my response to most of his writing is usually "that's right, preach it". Case in point: Rick Pitino. The man cheated on his wife and yesterday played the victim. Here's a portion of what Jason had to say about it.

When a playa gets busted, he/she changes the discussion from what he did wrong to something someone else did wrong and is more than likely untrue or exaggerated. A playa creates a false reality and then expects you to hold a debate about the lie he just concocted.

So true. And I know because I saw the exact same response from my ex.

I know it's been a while since I've written anything but what I went through 2 years ago but it's because I have moved on. But that doesn't mean that when I hear things like this there isn't a part of me that doesn't get a little pissed. It still just blows my mind how people that cheat in their marriages always divert the focus off of themselves and enter a false reality of lies and exaggeration. There's an acceptance of the wrong doing when either convicted or caught but for some reason that acceptance quickly moves to diversion.

Anyways, I know we are all one step away but I pray I never become that which had hurt me so deeply.

It’s over.

So, yes, it’s all over. I can think of a handful of days this past year that were just hell and yesterday was one of them. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how someone can do what has been done and then also try and take everything and or demand to get everything back in order to almost erase any memory of a marriage. So yes, I feel I took the high road in order to end it. I know I have always been more than willing to compromise. I know I have never asked for 50/50 though you would think that a marriage ending the way ours had would result it that, but it doesn’t. I pray I did the right thing. I do feel I was taken advantage of because I broke down and just wanted it over. I just don’t think I could wake up this morning knowing that all this shit was still looming over my head. I need to move forward. Though it is hard waking up feeling walked all over and beaten down. I do wish she would have had to look at me in the face and sign the papers just like she had to look at me in the face when she married me. I just pray and hope to God that no one I ever know has to go through anything like what I have the past year. But I do know that if someone I know does, then I will be right there by their side hopefully knowing what to do and not to do. To those that have stood by my side, and continue to, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You will never know how much your support has meant to me. Here’s to the future, may I honor Him, and trust in His timing for my life.

A year ago today

It’s hard to think back to a year ago today. It’s a day I never thought I would have in my life. It was a conversation I never thought I’d have. It was hearing every man/husband’s worse fear. I just never thought it was possible in our marriage. I remember saying “Not you” a lot. I remember just feeling paralyzed. I still can’t believe that she never said “I’m sorry, will you forgive me?” to my face and still hasn’t. I still can’t believe everything that has happened has actually happened. I think it’s because I chose to remember the good times. I chose to remember the memory of her and not the current her, if that makes any sense. And maybe that’s a bad thing now. Because the person I knew, the person I fell in love with, could not have done any of this or would have atleast not run away. And that’s what makes today so hard. All I can remember now is pain. I think back to a year ago now and nothing but pain, hurt, betrayal, lies, and deception come to mind. But a few months ago when I would think back to a year ago I would remember happy times. So for me, there was hope, even though it was hope masked in memories. But not now.

I never thought I could make it this far. But I have. I never thought I could face fears I never thought could exist. But I have. I never thought facing one’s failures could be so freeing. But it is. I never thought I could be that forgiving. But I have. I’m not happy that things have been ended up this way. But maybe she is. Am I happy with how I have handled this? Yes. I know I have not done everything right or been perfect, but I know I have done everything I can. I am thankful for the life He has given me because I know He doesn’t let anything happen to us that we can not handle. And now it is a time for rebuilding.