A year ago today
Posted by bradmoistdotcom | Filed under Uncategorized
It’s hard to think back to a year ago today. It’s a day I never thought I would have in my life. It was a conversation I never thought I’d have. It was hearing every man/husband’s worse fear. I just never thought it was possible in our marriage. I remember saying “Not you” a lot. I remember just feeling paralyzed. I still can’t believe that she never said “I’m sorry, will you forgive me?” to my face and still hasn’t. I still can’t believe everything that has happened has actually happened. I think it’s because I chose to remember the good times. I chose to remember the memory of her and not the current her, if that makes any sense. And maybe that’s a bad thing now. Because the person I knew, the person I fell in love with, could not have done any of this or would have atleast not run away. And that’s what makes today so hard. All I can remember now is pain. I think back to a year ago now and nothing but pain, hurt, betrayal, lies, and deception come to mind. But a few months ago when I would think back to a year ago I would remember happy times. So for me, there was hope, even though it was hope masked in memories. But not now.
I never thought I could make it this far. But I have. I never thought I could face fears I never thought could exist. But I have. I never thought facing one’s failures could be so freeing. But it is. I never thought I could be that forgiving. But I have. I’m not happy that things have been ended up this way. But maybe she is. Am I happy with how I have handled this? Yes. I know I have not done everything right or been perfect, but I know I have done everything I can. I am thankful for the life He has given me because I know He doesn’t let anything happen to us that we can not handle. And now it is a time for rebuilding.
